Sunday, October 14, 2012

Here we go again...

I woke up about 45 minutes before my alarm went off this morning, my eyes snapping open after a fairly restless night, because today I need to attend my first led intermediate series class of the season, and there are many many butterflies fluttering around in my belly.  The intermediate class is nothing new for me, I have been in there the last two trips, but something about it still scares the bejeebers out of me, and there is really no rational reason why that would be.  When I was first here, I remember seeing some of the intermediate and advanced students practicing as I was sitting in the lobby, waiting to here Sharath's 'one more!', and thinking that there was something pretty incredible about these superhuman feats that they were pulling off on a daily basis.  Some of the postures looked truly impossible, and the calm with which they were completed was even more incredible.  These were the big kids, so to speak, and I was one of the little kids, and it didn't cross my mind that I would one day be doing some of those superhero moves too.  The thing is, I get the feeling like I am still one of the little kids, in the room with the big kids.  What does it take to be one of the big kids?  Something tells me it is, more than anything, time.   So I will go, sit on the steps with a ball of nervous tension in my belly, edge my way in to the shala when the primary class is finished, and when Sharath calls us through the vinyasas, I will breathe.  Inhale, exhale.  Somewhere during the surya namaskara, I will relax, but next week, more fear will come.  A samskara to work on, me thinks.


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