Friday, February 17, 2012

Wandering Bambi

Starting to wind things up in Mysore, trip number three is down to about 12 more days, and then I will be off into the big wide world to try and integrate all that I have experienced here.  Being enveloped in the practice is a beautiful thing, but it is an essential part of the learning process to take it and make it function in your day to day life.  What I am struggling with at the moment is that I don't actually know what or where my day to day life is going to entail.  Another working holiday visa is there, so back to Australia, but for how long and where to go are still up in the air.  There is a draw to head east and see a bit more of the country, so Sydney looks like it may be the next place I call home, but before I get there I have to make a few stops and collect possessions I have left behind in Indonesia and in Western Australia.  Note to self:  leave a trunk in Mysore, leave a few things in the dresser at mum and dad's, but don't make any assumptions about going back to anywhere else.  The weird thing that has come up is that in all of this preparation to travel, an urge to get myself back onto Canadian soil is forming in the back of my mind.  Seeing the world is an amazing opportunity, but there is a part of me that keeps asking for steadiness, and constantly complaining about feeling dislocated in time and space.  In previous posts I have expressed gratitude about the fact that wherever I go, I am taken under wing, cared for, nurtured, but this little hobo is really starting to feel like it might be time to think harder about which direction to go if I actually want to be homeward bound.  In the meantime, the quote by J.R.R. Tolkien comes to mind, "not all those who wander are lost."  Certainly I have been wandering, and searching, but really and truly, I do not feel lost. 

On a lighter note, in the shala lately I have been working very hard at tick tocks.  The up into a handstand and over into the backbend part (the tick) feels fine, but the reverse part (the tock) has been driving me nuts.  I rock my weight forward into my feet and then strongly back into my hands, lifting my head, and kick myself in the head.  Repeatedly.  Talk about frustrating.  But yesterday, after having several attempts where I got stuck in mid air, feet upon head, not able to figure out which direction to go, I finally did it.  Sharath came up to do my finishing backbends and told me that now I am a strong lady, and I could even be a body builder.  Yes a body builder... Something tells me he is joking, because wobbly noodle types like myself generally don't turn out to be such good body builders.  It was a nice moment though, and I laughed with him and told him that maybe next lifetime that is what I would do.  From bambi to body builder... who knew?

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